I Do (Or Maybe I Don't)

I’ve got lots of questions. I count myself lucky that I am living in a society and era that allows women, and more specifically young christian women, to question society and the ideology that society stands upon.
 As an introduction, as always, I want to point out I am not an expert, nor do I pretend to be, on the topic of marriage, sexual relations, or even dating. My future life plans involve buying a small house and filling it with cats and house plants, I am hardly an expert on any of this. This post, and this blog, is simply a place for me to write out my ideas, then share them with a community.

Foreword- I mean no offence by any of this, I know I will be stepping on toes and hurting feelings, just know I do this not to condemn, but to make you see how your past hurting and suffering can now be used as a tool for spreading Christ’s love. If for any reason, you believe my opinions are truly unbiblical and you can site my mistakes, I will gladly revamp this post, this is just my commentary to some very difficult issues facing modern society and the modern church. 

This last June I set out on the lofty task of reading the bible everyday and ultimately finishing it in a year, so far I am still on track. I am 24% of the way through God’s word, and I am thoroughly enjoying creating a belief system based wholly on the holy word of God, but I am also finding some parts of it very difficult to swallow, this topic being one.

So here we go, I just want to get this out first, Jesus doesn’t want his followers to get married. Period the end. It’s just not something he saw as necessary, take this passage in Matthew 19 for example 

3 Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?”
 4 “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’ 5 And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ 6 Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” 7 “Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?” they asked.
 8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. 9 And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.” 10 Jesus’ disciples then said to him, “If this is the case, it is better not to marry!”
 11 “Not everyone can accept this statement,” Jesus said. “Only those whom God helps. 12 Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.”

After reading this passage I immediately read it again, and then again and then all I could think was “Wait, say what, Jesus? I thought you wanted us to get married, what happened to “God made them male and female so they could get married and live happily ever after?”” 
Isn’t that what we’re all taught growing up in Sunday school? “You should save yourself for marriage because God created someone just for you,” or my favorite “Don’t worry about that boy who broke your heart, God has a perfect man out there just for you!” 

The bible doesn’t seem to be saying that at all, it seems to say that you’re created to live a single life, completely dedicated to Christ. That’s a tough pill to swallow, especially in a society where marriage and dating are astronomically important, so lets look at another passage. In 1st Corinthians 7 Paul lays out a pretty thorough idea of what he feels God wants to see in a Christian in regards to marriage.

“1 Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to live a celibate life. 2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband…..8 So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 9 But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust….26 I think it is best to remain as you are. 27 If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage. If you do not have a wife, do not seek to get married. 28 But if you do get married, it is not a sin. And if a young woman gets married, it is not a sin. However, those who get married at this time will have troubles, and I am trying to spare you those problems.”

So here’s the question, are Christians doing the right thing by getting married? or as Christians should we strive to lead a life wholly free from sexual interactions? I think the answer can again me found in Matthew 19 and then further explained in Ephesians 5. In Matthew 19 I think what Jesus is trying to say is basically this, Christians shouldn’t have sexual relations because those relations muddy our vision, making it hard to focus on God’s will for our life, but some people can’t control their sexual urges, and that lust then muddies your vision, basically you can’t win for losing. For those in that situation God created the idea of marriage.  

And good golly that idea of marriage is great, in Ephesians 5  Paul outlines the idea of a Christian marriage

 22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
 25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.
 31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

That sounds great, huh? A deep strong relationship built on mutual trust, respect, and sex. So what happens when a marriage isn’t build on those morals, it falls apart. 

We see every year an increase in divorce statistics, I myself can name a list of divorcee’s as long as McCarthy’s communist list. How should we deal with that? Well in the scriptures is says that you should work very hard not to get divorced, even if your spouse is a non-beliver you should remain married to them because “16 Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?” (1st Corinthians 7 )

That’s pretty powerful, if you find yourself in a marriage where your spouse in a nonbeliever you are to make your relationship with them a evangelical one. But what does the bible say about getting re-married? I’ll tell you, nothing very uplifting.

Christ is pretty blatant in his belief that if you remarry you are committing adultery, you’re living in adultery, and what the bible says about adultery isn’t very uplifting either. Here’s what 1 Corinthians 6 says about living in a life of sin

“9 Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, 10 or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. 11 Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

So who’s getting into the kingdom of heaven now? Not you either? okay good. We are all sinners. Everyone. Romans 3:23 says “All have sinned,”  sinning is part of being a human, it’s something you can’t avoid. You can only be “cleansed,” “made holy,” and “made right” by calling on the name of the Lord, because only by his blood are you saved. 

So here is where I will leave you, if we are all sinners, if marriage is something Christ is against, if divorce is something Christ is against, and if divorcees getting remarried is seen as adultery, then can we assume he feels the same about gay marriage? Gay marriage is in the exact same boat as divorcees getting re-married, the sin boat. The boat that leads to hell unless you accept the grace and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. How many divorcees attend church each Sunday? How many men and women of all ages commit sexually impure acts yet attend church on Sunday with no spoken condemnation from the congregation? How then can we rightly condemn homosexual acts? Isn’t the log in our eye just as large as the log in theirs? How can the blind lead the blind? They cannot, and should not! 

We are all dirty, sick, hopeless, sinners who need to be lead by one who is much greater than we will ever be, Jesus Christ. We are called to love one another no matter what, in the same way Christ loves us. How then can we love when we are too busy passing judgement on one another? We cannot. 

Simply learn to love one another above all else and let Christ take care of all else. 

34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 35 Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” John 13:34-35

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